Devotion

My cousin is a 3L in law school.  On occasion we message each other, mostly about law school stuff.  Often, he messages to ask about our experience, forcing us to reflect so we can provide an honest answer.  Tonight, he sent a message to ask us about the bar. We answered his technical questions and added a few details about the way our family dealt with the stress.  The following are the last two messages in tonight's thread:

"Thanks guys! All that stuff helped out. I know that bar prep is gonna make me nonexistent for 2 months, the reality hasn't hit me yet. And I don't know how to help [my wife] cope with studying during that time." 

Our response:

You know, from the beginning of law school to the last day of the bar, I never felt neglected by [Mr. Pea]. The preceding says a lot about his character and nothing about my ability to cope. For me, those years in law school were the most trying, but it was never because I felt like Mr. Pea neglected us. When he came home each night, he would make sure his focus was on us, especially me. The bar wasn't as stressful for me because I just knew Mr. Pea would be busy and so my expectations for his participation was low (lol). When I accepted the fact that he wouldn't be around a lot, or at all, I was always surprised and pleased when he did take time to spend extra time with us - time beyond meals. Recently, I was reading our blog and as I read, I realized, for the first time, that Mr. Pea was really busy when he was in law school. Again, the kids and I never felt it. What we felt was his devotion to our little family. I'm sure [your wife] will feel the same.

Mr. Pea here.

Just remember that for those two months your full-time job is studying for the bar. With that said there is always time for family. Mrs. Pea and the kids would meet me for lunch, or we would go fishing in the park for FHE. If you don't find ways to relax your family will feel it. Take time during studying for your sanity; for me that meant spending time with the family.

While studying there will highs and lows, but for me it was all about repetition. Find what works for you and as long as you put in the time and effort everything else will workout.

As I read Mr. Pea's thoughts, I was reminded, once again just how blessed I am to have such a devoted, loving husband.  Sometimes, when I look at him, I wonder how we happened.  He really is so amazing.  As I work out my insecurities, I think about the reasons why I think he's amazing.  Often, it's because of the words he says, things that come after I ask a question.  Sometimes, the questions I ask originate from frustration:  

"How are you not mad?!  How come you don't say anything rude?! Especially when I'm being so rude?"

"It's because we're going to be together forever and eternity is a long time to live with a stupid comment I made." 

Blast him for being so logical.  

Sometimes, the words he says are in response to a suggestion I made ... 

Last week, we drove to Utah so we could attend his great aunt's funeral.  To Mr. Pea's mother and her siblings, Aunt Tess was almost like a surrogate mother.  She is a special lady.  Long ago, we decided that if we were financially able, we wouldn't miss a big event.  So we went.  

As we were making the last rounds around the house before leaving, I asked if he had his keys.  He said, no.  I asked if he thought we should take them and he responded: 

"I wasn't going to, but if you feel like we should have them, then I'll take them."

Then he took them off the dresser and slipped the keys into his pocket.  No questions, just trust.  

Most of all, it's his actions that remind me just how much I love him.  When we were dating, it was an unexpected visit.  When we were newlyweds, it was an apologetic return home without food because he saw a family with greater needs than the two of us.  When I was pregnant, it was the endless trips, once he had tucked himself into bed, for another glass of water.  In law school, it was his ability to set aside worry and focus solely on us.  A glance, a hug, a card in the mail, gathering the children together for scripture study and family prayer ... To me, that is loving devotion.

So dear cousin, let your concern to help your wife cope, lead to action.  I can tell that's where it's going because when I read the last sentence you wrote, I felt it: you're devoted.

Mr. Pea's favorite candy bar is aptly named - ha! 2.2013

The lastest "face shot".

Ice Skating in Downtown Denver.  1.2013